The City of Troy, New York, "Where Henry Hudson Turned Around."

Thursday, October 29, 2015

VOTER PROFILES

VOTER PROFILES

Our crack team of statisticians have whipped out the old abacus and delved deep into the psyche of the Troy voter. Based on a carefully prepared questionnaire and a broad-based survey, they have developed a profile of the average supporter of Democratic Mayoral Candidate Patrick Madden and GOP candidate Jim Gordon.

THE PATRICK MADDEN SUPPORTER

Average age: 54.2 years old

Most Common Name: Jim, Steve, Bernice, Sue, Len

Profession: Insurance, accounting, government service

Religion: Catholic, Protestant, Jewish

Sport: Golf, Shuffleboard

Hobbies: fly fishing, naps, scratching, chasing kids off lawns, mild cardiac events

Music: K.C. and  the Sunshine Band (Boogie Shoes), Bay City Rollers (Saturday Night)

Education Level: College, Graduate School

Race: White, Black, Hispanic, Asian

Exercise: Walking, walking faster

Gender: Male, Female

Average Household Income: $81,000

Books: The Boys of Summer, Truman, Band of Brothers

Movies: The Godfather, Animal House, Stripes

Foreign Language: High School French

Heart Throbs: Loni Anderson, Burt Reynolds

Favorite Dating site: WidowsOnly.com



JIM GORDON

Average age: 50.2 years old

Most Common Name: Jim, Tim, Kim and Flora

Profession: County, Lawn Care, DPW

Religion: Catholic, Protestant, Jewish

Sport: Football, Rugby

Hobbies: Grilling, bumper stickers, extreme couponing , prank calls

Music: Shawn Colvin (Sunny Came Home), Suzanne Vega (My Name is Luka) Thompson Twins (Lay Your Hands)

Education Level: College, High School

Race: White, Off-White

Exercise: Stair Master, Shadow Boxing

Gender: Male, Female

Average Household Income: $61,000

Books: Sarah Palin, A Life, Reader's Digest Condensed Books, Biscuit Goes to the Fair

Movies: The Burning Bed, Fatal Attraction,

Foreign Language: Fuck No.

Heart Throbs: Jennifer Aniston, Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Favorite Dating Site: Ancestry.com

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

No profile of the Wiltshire voter? Beards. Poor personal hygiene. Partially employed.

Phana24JG said...

Which candidate draws the NASCAR vote? Jack?

Anonymous said...

Wiltshire voter: Felons, freaks and retards. Turn-ons: patchouli, E-Z build pools. Turn-offs: showers, deadlines, budget votes.

Anonymous said...

Cox will draw at least 110-120.

Jerry said...

Very funny, you nailed it. One minor quibble for Music of Madden Supporters. It's Grateful Dead and Bonnie Raitt. On Primary night Madden posted an international version of "Ripple" done in honor of the Dead's 50th anniversary to his FB page.

Lucille Bluth said...

Would someone please buy Jim Welch a new hat? The Indiana Jones meets Deliverance look is not attractive.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add a few characteristics of Gordon voters/supporters, they love cheeseburgers, BBQ sauce intravenous tubes, goons, tax cheats, tough guy red faced sponge Bob look a like former/would be councilman who illegally take down signs, and a plethora of dish washers and code enforcement Nazis

Anonymous said...

This blog sucks

Anonymous said...

We need HG4YN back. He was the best poster out here. Unfortunately I think he chased away the best and brightest of Cox, Pooper and K Mcgrath.

Anonymous said...

You forgot Fat Bastards stunt double Creepy Crawley.

Anonymous said...

Pooper? haaaaaaa

Billie Jean Is Not My Lover said...

Dating site. Ancestry.com. I almost soiled myself laughing so hard.

Anonymous said...

Was Farrah Fawcett in the Burning Bed? Good movie. Jim should keep matches out of the house.

Anonymous said...

You love talking about Cox, Cooper and Kevin, you obsessed freak!

Drew Cooper said...

Think again!

Anonymous said...

Matches and sharp objects

Anonymous said...

Particularly domestic violence awareness pins. He doesn't deserve to have those anywhere in his house.

Anonymous said...

6:54 got a man crush? We can get you autographed photos if it makes you feel better.

Anonymous said...

Kevin. We have a dating profile set up for you on midgets.com

Anonymous said...

Billie Jean, really? Good God. That's a scary visual.